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6.26.2012

Waiting Without Complaining

"Rejoice in our confident hope. 
Be patient in trouble and keep praying."
Romans 12:12 {italics mine}

As far as life has gone for us recently, it's been pretty darn pleasant! We are having a blast watching Amelia learn and grow. Danny has steady work which means we have a fairly steady income. I've been a stay-at-home mom for over a year now and I still love it. Things are just going well. 

But of course, because I am who I am aka human, there's another side to it all. Today's scripture {see above, Romans 12:12} for the reading plan I am doing this month hit me square in the forehead. Now, I'm not saying we have "trouble" in our lives right now. We really don't. There's trouble in my heart though. And I know I don't pray about it enough. 

In all the loveliness around me, I'm finding myself impatient about a few things...

Like moving.
On August 24th, we're moving from our apartment {which we've lived in for over three years} into the bottom story of our friend's home. We are VERY EXCITED about this. The space we'll be living in is bigger than our current place. Not to mention the money we are going to save so that we can buy our own house next year!! But you see, it's still two months away. We have started sorting and packing all of our stuff. We may live in a small place. But dang, we have some stuff! Photos are off the walls. Decor is down. It's all in boxes and walls are bare, which I already said. I really love my photos, can you tell?. Suddenly, I feel like I'm living in a box... not my home. The thing is, nothing compares to the time spent here as a family. The walls may be empty and stuff may be stacked all around. But Danny and I have some awesome memories in this place. We were just newlyweds when we moved in. As we move out three years older, three more years into marriage, two job changes, and a child later... we see the way God has walked with us and grown us.

Then there's baby.
This is me when I was 26 weeks pregnant with Amelia. The ultrasound, taken at 18 weeks 2 days, told us we were having a girl! And on the date my midwife told me I was due, our little bug, Amelia was born. I have not been on a more challenging journey than motherhood. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mommy. But oh man, there's been days and nights when I didn't think I could go on. Weeks after Amelia's birth, I certainly remember saying that I didn't even want more children {difficult labor and delivery paired with the natural exhaustion of having a newborn did the trick}. Just like everyone said would happen, I eventually decided that I do want more children. At least three more. Some days I wonder if I could be a mom to four {or more if that is God's plan}. Really, I don't think I can. Today for example, has been an off day. Amelia had a few moments of crazy emotions and so did I. My knee-jerk reactions on these off days remind me of how much I need Christ. When I cling tight to Him, I am assured that I can be a mom to four. I've made it this far, right? It's only by His grace! All that to say, I'm ready for the journey of having two kiddos. Danny is not. And so I wait. I don't think that needs much more explaining.

Another thing: Danny's job situation.
I promise you that you will never meet a man more dedicated to serving people than this guy. It's totally his heart. And he carries that into his job well. His customers love him. The only thing is that in the sales world {especially commission based sales}, you can't be super concerned about people. All that matters is that you meet your goals by selling the product. Therefore, you make money and you make your boss money. Of course, when you don't make your goals, higher ups get irritated. They want their cut because they have lifestyles to uphold. Danny's manager told him one day in an effort to motivate his sales, "I see your paycheck. I see what you make in a month. Honestly, I don't know how you support a family off that. Once you get that first big commission check, you won't settle for anything less." Danny has NEVER been driven by money. You're talking about a man who watched his Master-degree-holding-career-driven father immigrate their family of six from Brasil to America for better opportunities only to deliver pizzas. Danny has seen the hand of God throughout his whole life. He's always had a solid faith that no matter what, God will provide. Guess what? He has! This guy is driven by faith and his family. He is a hard worker in a job that he doesn't really like. But he does it to the glory of God. He also does it for his girls. As his wife, I want nothing more than to see Danny in a career that he loves and feels secure in. We know he is capable of many great things. This guy got a bachelors degree in Biology for the fun of it. He wanted to be a doctor, a veterinarian, or forensic investigator. He chose marriage and family first. I praise God that He has provided so faithfully for us through Danny's hard work. But I get impatient as I see my husband come home frustrated about his job, knowing he could do so much more. The hardest part is knowing where to go from here and how to best support my husband. By the way, isn't he handsome??

Wow. Do I have some praying to do or what? It's a wild ride, no doubt. I'm impatient, you know it. But I'm truly excited for the way God is growing me through this journey. As Cindy Beall puts it in her devotional, "You see, it's in those days, months and years of waiting where we start to look a lot more like Christ. A good friend of mine describes patience as 'waiting without complaining.'"

What things are you finding yourself impatient about? 
What are you learning as you go through this time?

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