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5.10.2012

Giving Up on Good

I follow a lovely woman on Twitter. I also read her blog. I also buy cool things from her Etsy shop. She loves God and I like her. But I don't actually know her. I do know that she makes me think about bigger picture stuff. That is a good thing. Her name is Jessi and she asked people to join her in giving up on good. As women, we have a lot on our plate. Wifey-hood. Motherhood. Being a friend, mentor, sister, aunt, cousin, manager, daughter. Oh geez, not to mention cooking, cleaning, and all that fun stuff. It's all good stuff!! Truth is, we can't do it all (nor should we). Day to day, we have to give up some of the good for the better things in life. It can be something simple like not showering regularly so that you have more time for doing life (as Jessi shares in today's post). It can be bigger like quitting your day job.

I asked Danny to help me think of what good I have given up for the better things in our life. He replied, "A career." So today, I'm running with that.

For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to take care of people. In middle school, I wanted to be Pediatrician. In high school, I wanted to be a nurse. By time I graduated, it was decided that I would go to college and become a labor and delivery nurse. I went to George Fox University (GFU) for a year for prerequisite courses. But I didn't get very good grades. I was told that I would need to redo most of my classes if I wanted in the nursing program at GFU. Not only that, Danny and I had recently gotten engaged. He lived an hour away from my school. Everything together pointed me homeward. When I moved back home, I took courses to become a nursing assistant. We got married and a year later, I started a new job as a Personal Care Assistant. It was a good job with a great organization, ok pay. A year into my job, we decided to start our family! We knew that it was our desire to have me be a stay-at-home mom. For a while (and even some days still) I wrestled with this. I couldn't find peace in not having a paying job. Of course, once Amelia was born and I held her in my arms, I found the peace quickly! It was bliss for a while. I loved being able to stay in my pajamas all day. I loved the flexibility of not answering to someone else's schedule (well... only Amelia's). I loved being home.

Here we are more than a year after I left my paying job, we're looking forward to buying a home soon, we want to have more children. All of these things require money. What I have began to wrestle with these days is this: my husband goes to work five days a week, works overtime, and provides so perfectly for his family. But I am at home with no financial contribution to be had on my part. We have goals and ideas. I begin to think, "Maybe I should've stayed working." "Maybe I should go back to work." If I did, oh man, the possibilities! We would have at the very least an extra $1000 a month to play with! And that's only if I worked part time. Maybe we would already be in a house. Our savings account would be quite a bit fuller. If, maybe, etc. blah blah blah....

Dear self, a house is a wonderful thing to have. But where you are is home. Money is important. But you have always had enough. Most importantly, your "career" NOW is loving on that hard working husband of yours, raising that sweet girl to be a woman of God, and creating a haven for your family. And guess what, you still have your dream of taking care of people.

Today, I'm declaring that I have given up on the good of my dream career of being a nurse so that I may take better care of the family God has blessed me with. And it feels overwhelming wonderful.

my better
What good are you giving up so you may take hold of the better things God has for you?