Bye-Bye Breastfeeding

I would like to first say that I am very satisfied with the fact that I have nursed my first baby for over a year. It has not been easy. After soreness and awkward public nursing sessions, I almost gave up at the beginning. My wonderful husband was my #1 encourager. I remember one night when I was begging him to go to the store and get me nipple shields. It was really late. Amelia was maybe three weeks old. We called several stores. They were either closed or did not sell nipple shields. Danny lovingly said, "Maybe it's a sign that you're not meant to use them. I know it's painful but you are strong. It will get easier." So I held tight. Within a couple weeks, I was breastfeeding like a pro. And I haven't looked back!!

I will miss this...
Fast forward a year and I think we [Amelia and I] are both getting done with breastfeeding. There is a part of me that just wants to keep going. It's the one thing that only I can give her. It's us time. To be totally honest though, I don't enjoy it anymore! I felt like a bad mom when I made that realization. But I just don't. I hate the way it feels. Sometimes, I even feel almost angry while she's nursing. I find myself thinking, "Hey kid, can you please hurry?!?" And she's getting teeth! All of that plus her nursing sessions have gone down to just 2 in a 24 hour period [although today is looking like just once!]. I haven't ever withheld from her. It's always been a "ask and you shall receive" kind of deal. We have just naturally gotten here.

Plus, there's even more selfish reasons. Like... I forgot what it felt like to wear a normal bra and to have the right support for my girls. I can't remember the last time I wore an outfit that I loved but didn't have to consider breast accessibility. I hate soaked nursing pads. I love the idea of a late night out with my husband! Or *gasp* even a whole night away!!! [I'm not totally ready for that yet... just talking about it since our 4 year anniversary is in May].

It's just getting to be time. I'm continuing to think about it. I'm also taking it slow since she is teething. I don't want to freak the kid out with too much change at once. I imagine she will keep that "bedtime" nursing around for a while. And I'm ok with that. As much as I'm ready to be done, I know I will miss it all.

1 comment:

  1. ((hugs!))

    You're an amazing Mama, Shelia. When it's time for your breastfeeding relationship to end (be it today or farther down the road) you will have peace about it. There will probably always be that feeling of nostalgia and missing the snuggled and the exclusivity of it all, but there will be peace as well. It's definitely a mixed bag of emotions to watch these precious souls grow up. We change so much inside to make room in our hearts for them, and the end goal is for them to be independent of us! Such a paradox! But still somehow part of God's plan. :-). I'm proud to count you among the lovely ladies I consider a good friend and fellow Mama.